Desperate days with new puppy give me sympathy for CEOs
October 28, 2010
The Murrays got a puppy. Iโd like to introduce him, and then weโll talk about him.
Cute little fellow.
Yeah, yeah. Within the first week:
I had spent $1,000 on the dog and on Training Sprays, Pee Pads, Poo Baggies, Gourmet Food and Other Stuff That Dog Owners Didnโt Need Until PetSmart Told Them They Neededยฎ.
I had felt a warm ooze between my bare toes.
I had mopped up Charlieโs little puddles maybe a dozen times.
Only a dozen, because Iโd taken Charlie down the three flights of stairs probably 60 times.
I had bellowed โnoโ several hundred times.
I had lain awake for hours waiting for Charlie to stop barking from his cage. I can tell you that he barks at the rate of 62 times per minute.
Sleep deprived, I had gotten into an e-mail argument with Scoutโs Aunt Susy, who feels strongly that I should refer to the cage as a โkennel,โ because โcage sounds like the zoo.โ How does gulag grab you?
I had risen seven mornings before sunup to take Charlie out.
I had had a conversation about โbuyerโs remorseโ with my wife. Tyranically but sincerely, I told her the thought, however natural, is simply unacceptable.
I had missed five workouts, unable to leave Charlie at the house to go running, unwilling to drag him down the sidewalk as I jogged. (Finally, I got over it, and now drag him down the sidewalk.)
My wife told me I need to be โstrategicโ about when I wrestle with him, โSo he knows when itโs OK to bite.โ I told her I didnโt know what โstrategicโ meant in this context. She said, โLike, maybe just donโt wrestle with him at all.โ
I had told Scout she mustnโt run from Charlie when he nips at her. She continues to run from Charlie every time he nips at her. โIโm scared!โ
(Oh, and donโt think I donโt know youโre finding fault with my leadership already; I use the word โIโ too much, and โweโ too little. Well Iโm running a three-ring circus here, and I donโt have time to play tiddlywinks with everybodyโs ego.)
I have my strategiesโfor potty training, and less urgent forms of obedienceโand Iโm sticking to them, and demanding that everyone in the household sticks to them. But do I know theyโre going to work? No, and so I furtively check the websites of pet โexpertsโ to see if theyโve got any other strategies that might work better.
I think I know how a CEO feels.
Helpless, put-upon, a little scared โฆ and sorry for himself.
And with absolutely no moral justification.
โDM